A Gold Medal for the Most Deserving

Yesterday, the world once again found itself on the brink of a historic event.

No, not the discovery of a cure for all diseases, nor the establishment of world peace. Something far more important. Trump admitted that he wanted to award himself the nation’s highest military decoration.

“There have been many of the greatest people who ever walked the Earth, but only a few received the Congressional Medal of Honor. I wanted to give it to myself, but I was told that I couldn’t do that.”

What a blow to democracy!

It is hard to imagine a more unjust situation. After all, if a person considers himself the greatest, who could possibly be better qualified to evaluate his achievements? Doesn’t an artist know the value of his own painting? Doesn’t an author understand the depth of his own novel? Shouldn’t the winner of a self-admiration contest be allowed to present himself with the trophy?

But bureaucracy has once again stood in the way of progress.

They say the Gold Medal of Honor is intended for those who have demonstrated extraordinary courage in combat. Times change, however. Courage takes many forms today. For example, it requires no small amount of bravery to open the newspapers every day and discover that not every article is about you personally. Or to step up to a microphone and risk hearing a question whose answer does not begin with, “You are absolutely right.”

Imagine how magnificent a self-awarding ceremony would look.

— What are you awarding yourself the Gold Medal of Honor for?
— For my outstanding service.
— Who determined that?
— I did.
— Who recommended you?
— Also me.
— Who signed the nomination?
— Believe it or not, me again.

At which point the orchestra strikes up a triumphant march, and the recipient thanks himself for the high evaluation of his own work and promises to continue living up to his own expectations.

Still, one can understand the officials. If people were allowed to award themselves the highest honors, chaos would ensue. Academics would grant themselves Nobel Prizes on their way to work. Footballers would award themselves Ballons d’Or after every successful pass. Schoolchildren would issue themselves honors diplomas right in the middle of an algebra exam.

Although, come to think of it, there is a certain logic to the idea. Self-esteem has long been the most accessible source of greatness.

History knows many rulers, generals, and reformers whom their contemporaries called great. But only a select few have dared to settle the matter once and for all by officially agreeing with that assessment themselves.

So perhaps future generations will remember not those who received medals for heroic deeds, but those who dreamed of awarding themselves simply for existing.

And then a new category of merit will appear in the history books:

“For exceptional courage in overcoming the obstacles between one’s self-esteem and the existing rules governing awards.”